Election season growing up meant going to a lot of chili dinners and hanging out with my parents while they went door-to-door or made calls explaining why my dad was the best guy for the job (Superior Court Judge in Lafayette, Indiana). On election morning it meant getting up before sunrise to get donuts and then head out to put signs in at all the polling places. It was exciting and nerve-wracking. There was a lot of camaraderie down at the courthouse to watch the results come in.

My family talked a lot about politics at the dinner table and the kids were taught how to think independently. My siblings and I did not always agree with my mom or dad on political issues, but we always had civil and respectful conversations. In this hot political season, it feels different—like the country is more divided than ever. I have been trying to examine my own feelings and triggers and how I can be more of a bridge to the people I passionately disagree with.

Grays Peak Strategies has had many internal conversations on bridging differences. This is a broad concept, not limited to political conversations. This concept has been the focus on the executive coaching sessions that our two certified executive coaches have held for the Western Intergovernmental Child Support Engagement Council (WICSEC) and Colorado Judicial. The final session on this topic is in September. The ideas of we have been discussing in these sessions are not complicated, but they do take work. I will confess that for the most part I have blocked people on my social media channels if I know they will trigger me. I have not leaned into those conversations. What I am learning from the Bridging Differences Playbook is that you can take small steps and it does not mean that you have to try and have constructive conversations with every person that disagrees with you and must protect your emotional well-being.

The main idea of bridging differences is that we can disagree with someone without dehumanizing them. For me this is not about persuasion but understanding. The idea is that we can recognize and reach some common humanity by exposing our own vulnerabilities. Although skeptical, I have tried a few times to approach a conversation with someone “on the other side” with curiosity—trying to understand their feelings. When I put the work into cultivating the right mindset for myself, things go much better.

Establishing some common ground early in the conversation is key, as this NPR article explains, since shared values and goals are where we can usually find connection. If you get stuck or are starting to feel triggered, try asking questions. My dad who navigated civil disputes his entire career as a judge is convinced that asking questions is the best approach for almost everything. Look for intention, even if the responses could be construed as insensitive. Give conversations the space to be explained rather than jumping to an attack on someone’s personal beliefs.

During these emotionally sensitive conversations ensure to monitor your own reactions and responses and be ready to remove yourself if you feel as though you will be fully triggered and could possibly say something that you would regret and possibly do more harm than good. As Liz Joyner says, the goal “isn’t to agree; it’s to disagree and keep talking.”

Why try to be a bridge? I have asked myself this several times. Why would I want to engage and try to bridge a difference with someone I know I disagree with? Some of the topics on the ballot are personal to me and I am passionate about the issues.

First of all, I want to re-create the dialogue and model for my three daughters how I was raised. I want to teach them how to promote empathy and understanding among their peers because I believe those skills will take them far in life.

Second, there are so many benefits both internally and for the greater good of community. The Playbook lists benefits such as making us smarter, improving our health, strengthening our families, reducing violence, being good for the bottom line and supporting good government. When we can realize these kinds of benefits, how can we turn away from each other and retreat into our own bubbles?

The challenge for all us then going forward is to find those little moments when we can reach out and find common humanity. One additional practical idea that some on our team have tried is expanding our news sources, including the use of allsides.com.

We want to hear your ideas or your stories! Reach out to use on Twitter or Facebook and lets keep the conversation going!

Bridging Differences During Election Season